The closest I've ever felt to God was when I was 20 years old. I was facing seemingly insurmountable hardships with my family and in my personal life. I was at a breaking point emotionally, trying to hold everything together - even things I had no control over. One day, driving down the road in my yellow VW bug, (I still remember the exact spot in the town I was driving in), a song came on the radio. It wasn't a new song. I'm sure I'd heard it before. But that day, I heard it for REAL for the first time. I cried so violently that I had to pull off the road. That song spoke to me in a way I can't even explain. It awakened me. It shook me up and completely calmed me at the same time. I knew it was a God Moment. Later, I called the station in Dallas and asked them, "What WAS that song?" I told the DJ my story. He said, "There's a Christian bookstore near Golden Triangle Mall. Go there. They'll have the tape behind the counter for you." Sure enough, they did. I certainly didn't have the money to BUY the tape. But God made sure I had it.
After that, I laid it all at His feet - my worries, my fears, my desires, EVERYTHING. I gave it up. I was free of ALL of it. I can honestly (and ashamedly) say that it's the only time in my life I've been THAT trusting and willing to let go of the controls. And I can say with full truth that the reason I've never felt as close to God as I did that summer is because I've been holding back. He wants it all. He wants my worries, fears, dreams, desires, wishes, resentments, sins, joys, accomplishments... He wants it all. And he gives back tenfold. Why that's such a hard thing for me to remember and do, I'll never know.
The song was "Bound to Come Some Trouble" by Rich Mullins. Haven't heard it? I'll buy it for you on iTunes. Send me an email. You need it. I know you do, because I needed it.