gray matter

My Ian has always had such a soft heart.

When he gets in trouble, when he knows he deserves it, he takes his punishment with a hard swallow and sometimes a quiet tear. Mostly, it hurts his heart to know he's disappointed me and his dad. On the flip side, if he thinks he doesn't deserve it, or thinks the punishment is unfair, and especially if another just-as-guilty party is getting off scott free, he comes unraveled and fights tooth and nail for justice. The kid's right-and-wrong meter is fine-tuned. It's hard for him to see gray matter in his black-or-white world.

He knows that no matter what, I won't stand for lying. If I can count on Ian for anything, it's to tell me the truth. Aidan, not so much. I have to wonder about his honesty sometimes. But Ian... never. He knows how much it hurts me, to be lied to, and for that reason, he just won't allow himself to go there.

He loves his friends. He wants nothing more in this world than to have friends and to spend time hanging out doing Ian-and-friends types of things, which includes Legos, computer gaming, kickball, football, drawing cartoons, and lots and lots of giggling. Oh - and birthday parties. That boy loves a good party.

Which is why it bothered him to learn that one of his friends had a birthday party this summer and didn't invite him.

Ian asked his friend about it, and his friend said, "Well, see, I only invited two people." That made Ian feel better, though he was still sad to have been left out. But he accepted it and moved on. THEN he learned the truth, as other friends began talking about the party. There had been more than two. Ian had definitely been left out, and he was crushed.

When I got home from work today, he came straight to me, looked me in the eye, and said, "Mom. I had to knock Gregory off my friend list today." Then his eyes brimmed up and he looked down at his feet, trying not to give in to the tears.

"What on earth?" I asked. "Why?"

"Because he lied to me," he said softly. Then he told me all about the birthday party.

He understands that Gregory was trying to spare his feelings, but it doesn't matter. He was lied to, and he hates that feeling.

I also feel bad for Gregory, though. He was trying to soften the blow, and honestly, I think the poor kid was in a hard place himself. See, his Mom wanted us to invite Gregory over all of last school year. She dropped hints that she wanted a play date, but we never offered. It's not because we didn't want to. We're just so... and it makes me cringe to admit this... so busy. I hate that it's true. I don't want to be one of "those" families. But here we are. And it's not even the family... it's ME. It's my work schedule. I give too much of myself to it. I don't know how NOT to. I feel burdened by the responsibility I have there, and the lack of anyone else to do what needs to be done. I'm not alone - this is the dilemma of every single person who gives their life to working for a small nonprofit. But I have to find balance. I really believe that Ian was left off the birthday invitation list because we never invited Gregory over last year.

Even so... Ian could've handled the truth.

It's the lie that hurt him so. He understands why he wasn't invited. That part is black and white. It's the gray matter - the lie - that he's struggling with.

My heart hurts for him.
And I hate that in some roundabout way, it all comes back to me.

The Dawn Treader, part 2

Ian conquered his boredom by picking a book from the shelf in my bedroom and reading it. He read all of chapter one and into chapter two that first night, and this morning, the first thing he did was pick it up again. Tonight, he's in chapter 3.

He's reading "The Dawn Treader", which is his favorite book in the Narnia series. A few years ago, Darren read the books to the boys each night at bedtime. I can't believe Ian's big enough to read them on his own now!

Watching him read, and hearing him say "Dawn Treader" made me heart melt, 'cause it reminded me of this little nugget from 3.5 years ago. I'm so glad I blog!

Christmas Kisses

The other day riding along in the car, Darren and I chatted with the boys about how cool it is when we see us in them. For instance, Aidan is just like me when it comes to math, and Ian is just like Darren. You see, Aidan and I are happy with a close guesstimation, but Darren and Ian see a problem through to its completion - usually faster than Aidan and I can guesstimate!

Aidan is also like me in that he's not ashamed to do whatever it takes to get a laugh. One of the girls in his class appreciates it, too. "Izy talks about Aidan a lot, so when I got to help with field day I really wanted to meet him," wrote Izy's mom in an email. "She thinks he's funny and Izy's all about funny!" That boy IS funny. He cracks me up on a daily basis!

Ian is more like Darren - he's shy until he knows you well. He's content to sit back and watch the action rather than be a part of it. He notices things and has very good intuition about people and possibilities. He's a thinker, not a reactor.

Aidan loves to entertain. When we're having company and the boys are being made to clean their room, Aidan is more interested in "decorating" it than cleaning it up. If girls are coming, he tries to decorate it "girly", setting up the stuffed animals in a welcoming way on the beds. If boys are coming, he mans it up with lego creations and train tracks. I'm that way, too. When company's coming, I'm more likely to decide now is the perfect time to update all the photos in the picture frames than to make sure there are fresh towels in the bathroom.

But there's one very big detail about our personalities that Ian and I share, and that Aidan shares with Darren. Ian and I are night owls, and Darren and Aidan are not. Two nights ago, at 11:00, Ian and I pulled all the ingredients out of the pantry and spent the next hour making Christmas Kisses. Today, the boys delivered them to some of our favorite friends in the neighborhood. We're making more tomorrow to share with our company tomorrow night. Hopefully Darren and Ian will clean while Aidan and I put finishing touches on the packages! :)

(Yes, Dani's still part of the family, but we haven't seen her in a while. Word on the street is that she's hobnobbing about with theater people and making movies about the French Revolution. I'll let you know more when I know more.)

playing catch up

For someone who's stuck on her butt, I've sure been busy!

But enough about me.

Here's a quick run-down of what's been happenin' here in FunkyTown.

Dani is a senior! She's having the BEST year of her high school career, socially and academically. Thank goodness! Her SAT score came in last week, and she did great. These days, SATs are graded on a 2400-point scale. She scored 660 in math, 730 in verbal and 710 in writing, for a score of 2100. That's the equivalent of a 1390 on the old-school 1600-point system. :) She's still working for the lawyer downtown after school, but it's only 8 hours a week and she's finding that it barely puts gas in the car. She's looking for a temporary seasonal job through Christmas so she can afford to buy gifts. She auditioned for All-region choir last week and was bummed to place as 2nd Alternate, meaning she still has to learn the music for Area, but isn't guaranteed an audition time. She's been amazing while I've been hurt. She helps get the boys off to school in the mornings, picks them up in the afternoons, drives me wherever I need to go and pushed the wheelchair without being TOO horribly embarrassed, runs a bazillion errands for me, cooks dinner and cleans the kitchen more than she should have to, and does it with a good attitude. Last week, I had to be at a meeting about the auction (more on that in another post), and Darren was scheduled for a 5k race, and it also happened to be Open House at the boys' school. Dani took them, and even took photos of their work so I could feel like I didn't miss so much. To reward and thank her for her hard work and her cheerful disposition about it, Darren and I won something for her at the auction - but that's another post, too. Here she is with one of her BFFs.

Aidan started his first season of soccer this fall. He plays in the YMCA league; they play all kids at all positions at this age, but Aidan's favorite is halfback. It's amazing to watch him play. From the time he was four years old, he could dribble the ball. We couldn't believe it the first time he did it; he knew how to take the ball all the way down the field, dribbling between feet as he went! He's aggressive and FAST. I think he's one of those guys who is just naturally athletic. Speaking of... he's training with Darren again, and will run his next 5k on Thanksgiving morning. And he's growing his hair out. Before school started, he printed out a picture of (The Suite Life of) Zach and Cody and said he wanted his hair like theirs. Crack. Me. UP.

Ian is all boy. All over the place, all the time. He's been sent to the nurse twice this year after smacking his head when the legs of his chair went flying. He can't seem to keep all four of them on the ground at the same time. He loses his backpack, homework, folder, shoes..... constantly. And yet, his teacher loves him. Darren and I had a conference with her last week and she giggled the whole time. He's reading a couple of grade levels ahead of his class, and she's working on a special math curriculum for him. I've said for a long time that I'm not smart enough to raise this kid, and it becomes more evident every day! He doesn't hate girls as much as he used to, but don't tell HIM that.

Darren ran his first 10k a couple of weeks ago. His time was 58:47. I didn't get to go; it happened right after I broke my foot and I was still completely immobile. BUMMER! He's running both the 5k and the 10k at the Turkey Trot next month, and depending on where we have Thanksgiving, I don't know if I'll be here or 3 hours north in Oklahoma. I hope I get to watch him!

boys

Twice yesterday, I was surprised by two little gifties left for me. The first one, at the bottom of the laundry basket, stealthily tucked beneath the last few socks, took several months off my life.

The second one was discovered last night, in the dark of my car, as I reached into my purse for my cell phone. You can't tell from the picture, but this nasty little dude is slimy and sticky and wiggly and gross. Aidan knows how much I love it. {insert curled lip here}

I have a couple of suspects in mind.

One last time

School started today.

Ian's in 1st, Aidan's in 2nd, and Dani's a Senior.

The boys were bouncing-off-the-walls excited about school starting back up. Last night, Ian even had a stomach ache and couldn't sleep. They bounced out of bed this morning and giggled, laughed and wrestled through breakfast, teeth-brushing and getting ready. This year, no tears. No apprehension. No worries.

I'm sitting here enjoying the quiet stillness of an empty house. I have a hot date with the bug man in a couple of hours, a load of laundry to fold, some dishes to wash. Life is just busting at the seams around here. I'm also looking forward to carrying on a tradition later this afternoon.

When Dani started Kindergarten, a brand new Cracker Barrel had just opened near us, and I promised her an after school treat there on her first day of school. We’ve kept the tradition of going to Cracker Barrel on the first day of school ever since - even after moving across town from that neighborhood four years ago.

Also, on her first day of Kindergarten, she wore her hair in braided pigtails.

On her first day of high school? Braided pigtails.

Today, on the first day of her senior year, she asked me to braid some pigtails.

After school, we’ll drive across town to have dessert at Cracker Barrel ...one last time.

sweet Aidan

This morning, while the boys were eating breakfast, I said, "There are two boys in this world I really, really love. Their names are.... IAN..... and Tristan."

Ian fell into giggles. Aidan looked at me with his mouth all screwy and said, "Tristan?!"

I said, "What? Am I not allowed to love Tristan?"

Aidan replied, "Well, he *IS* a child of God."

Awwww.

Then I said, "There are two boys in this world I love more than ANYone. Their names are.... IAN.... and Daddy."

Again, Ian giggled. Aidan said, "Well, he *IS* your husband."

Then I grabbed Aidan up in my arms and smothered him in smooches.

I love that he understands my sense of humor and takes it so well!