Tuesday, May 27, 2008
That's beef. 20 pounds of brisket, 6 pounds of t-bones, and 4 pounds of ground sirloin.
That's nasty. Raw meat makes me gag. But MORE than that...
THAT's HEAVY! My arms were burning by the time Cara snapped an in-focus picture! To think, I've been carrying that around on my butt for all these years. Ack.
People keep asking me how I'm doing it.
"You've lost 30 pounds in 8 weeks! I wanna do what you're doing! Teach me how to have the willpower you have! What's your secret??"
I always answer honestly, even though it sounds a little hokey when I say it.
I'll answer here the same way.... tomorrow.
Friday, May 23, 2008
It looked wonderful.
I needed to have it.
I opened my mouth to order it.
And then I thought, "No. You don't want it. You're not even hungry. You're acting out of emotion."
See, food has always been a coping mechanism for me. It's always comforted me. It's the first thing I turn to in times of trial.
I stood there at the ice cream counter, BonQuiQui smacking her gum, getting tired of waiting on me to finish my order. Do I want the sundae? Yes. No. But yes. BUT NO! Major internal struggle. I'm eating out of emotion, don't do it. BUT I DON'T CARE THAT I'M EATING OUT OF EMOTION. Yes I do. NO I DON'T! Yes. I do. I'm stronger than this.
Finally, I ordered a kid-sized 96% fat free frozen yogurt.
I walked every day that week except Friday, and went to both Nia sessions. On Thursday morning, I SO didn't want to go to Nia. I knew it would benefit me emotionally and spiritually, but physically, the emotional roller coaster had left me with NO energy. I went anyway. Sure enough, I kept running out of steam and thought about quitting. Several times, a cry rose up in my throat and I considered running out to the stairwell and having a good bawl. Other times, I'd be so lost in my thoughts and worries that I'd forget I was at Nia - the class would be doing something completely different and I'd be either doing the moves from the previous set, or pacing back and forth, oblivious to anyone around me. After class, Megan said, "You look like you could cry." She took me into her arms and held me tight. I knew I'd cry if she didn't let me go, and despite me trying to pull away several times, she wouldn't release me. Eventually, I relaxed into her embrace and let the tears fall. It was cleansing and such a relief to let a little of it out. I love her for seeing that need and for gifting me with her amazing spirit of compassion.
Turns out, the calming effect of Nia on my heart and soul and mind is EXACTLY what I needed to quiet the emotional triggers. Even though every fiber of my being protested me being there, it was the weapon I needed to beat down the monsters once and for all. The next session I attended put the monster out of his wounded misery, as I pounded the crap out him during the martial arts portions of class. It is an AMAZING feeling to face and beat such a beast.
Never again will I allow emotional triggers to get the best of me. I'm a new woman, and this new life of mine is so much bigger than me and my weaknesses. It's becoming a spiritual and an emotional journey more and more everyday. The physical changes are just icing!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
I get tired of being a mom every now and then and I am not the perfect mother....the one who enjoys every single minute with their child and thinks that all of their antics are delightful. I tire of the whining and yes (GASP) I even get tired of playing Candyland and Hullabaloo. Sometimes I even breathe a sigh of relief when the child is down for the night.
And for those reasons, I suppose, I am a bad mom (per my husband's definition). Please tell me I am not the only one who doubts herself? Please tell me that I am really a lot like other people. Please.
It's the mothers who claim to NEVER have those feelings.... who claim that they ALWAYS gaily anticipate another round of Hi Ho Cherry-O... who say that they still read Go Dog Go with fresh enthusiasm, even on the 348th night in a row...who expect us to believe that they've NEVER sent baby to bed with a bottle, or have NEVER shoved a cold Pop Tart in to a 6-year old's hand on the way out the door in the morning, or have NEVER pulled dirty socks out of the hamper because there were no clean ones in the drawer...THOSE are the bad mothers, because they're liars.
You, my dear friend, are real. And honest. And while you might have occasional thoughts of "get this kid away from me!!!!", the majority of the time, you're rational even when stretched to the limit, nurturing even when sleep-deprived, and a wonderful, loving Mom, even when the doubt monster thumbs his nose at you.
I have my moments, I'll admit it. I'm not always a GOOD mom, as is evidenced by the layout following this post. But by golly, I'm certainly not a BAD mom, and neither are you.
Cut yourself some slack today. Let yourself be honored, and honor yourself. You deserve it!
Saturday, May 10, 2008
We've all had the regular business of spring to contend with, but on top of that, we've each had new individual goals this year.
This time last spring, Dani was choosing classes for her junior year. she chose to take five (5!) Advanced Placement classes. I told her then that it was too many... that AP Test time would kill her, and she'd hate her life. Well, in many ways, I was right. She's stressed to her limits right now. Last Friday, she took her SAT. The following Monday, she took her first AP test (in Government - she feels very confident about a good score on it!), and then yesterday, she took her 2nd, in US History. Next week, she has Latin, Chemistry and English. Good enough scores on these tests mean that she'll receive college credit for those classes, so it's a big deal to her. During all of this studying, she's also performed her duty as Choir Historian by creating an AWESOME video highlighting all 4 of Paschal's choirs this school year. The banquet was Thursday evening, and she was awarded "Most Improved Junior" in the A Capella choir. She also tried out and was given a spot in next year's Madrigal Choir. All of this, on top of a trip to New York (with choir), her job, and household responsibilities. She's ending her junior year with a bang, and I suspect she'll sleep all summer to make up for it!
Darren has finally wrapped up a horrendous project at work, and received his review for last year. He got excellent marks in every area of the review, and was rewarded with a nice raise, which has already gone into effect. He ran another 5k this morning, and here's what he had to say about that, in his own words:
I had 3 goals for this race. First, I wanted to finish in under 30:00 for
the first time ever. (Also, Aidan's last 5K was 30:00 so I could finally beat
him, hehehe.) Second, I wanted to not walk at all during the whole race. Third,
if everything went well, I really wanted to get down to 28:00.
The race started out fast going downhill for the first 1/2 mile. Bryan was flying and I was trying to keep up with him. He finished his first mile in 8:01 and I was
about 15 seconds back at the time. I dropped further behind him throughout the
race and the last time I saw him was when I was at the 2 mile mark.
The fast pace, the high humidity and the last uphill mile did me in. I had to stop and walk twice for a total of about 100 yards during the last 1-1/4 miles.
With about 3/4 mile to go I found someone else to mutually encourage to the end. That was good, because I was really starting to lag and droop my head.
I sped up a little for the last 1/4 mile and watched the clock tick right up to the finish. 29:29 was what it read as I passed under.
Yeah! My first sub-30:00 5K! My chip time is probably a few seconds over 29:00, but given the rough conditions I felt it was overall a good effort.
As for me, I've lost another 3 pounds, for a total of 24 pounds lost.
I'm wearing a smaller size in pants, and I'm buttoning shirts that I've always had to wear open with a cami underneath. I feel fantastic, and it amazes me that I'd rather walk these days than drive. I feel so good after only 24 pounds that I simply can not IMAGINE how good I'll feel when I finally reach my goal. Only 126 pounds to go!! :)
Wednesday, May 07, 2008
On Thursday, when everyone began to arrive, Kristi and I met three of them - Melissa, Sarah, and Lee - at the airport, then whisked them away to my corner of the metroplex for Fuzzy's Tacos - my favorite! From there, we picked up Cara, then headed back to the airport for Desiree. After spending the day shopping at my favorite scrapbook store, we made our way back to Fort Worth and the historic Stockyards, where we scarfed down tender, juicy, perfectly seasoned filets.