a month in the life

It's been 30 days since I sat down and recorded any of the little things. I haven't even written about any of the BIG things!

So, here it is: a countdown of my favorite memories from the past month.

10. To celebrate the end of school and the beginning of summer, the boys and I hosted a water balloon fight for all the kids on our street (plus Faith, Kristopher and Jonathan, who I was babysitting.) After the water balloon fight, Kristi and I took the kids to a nearby snow cone stand. I'm so happy to have one close by this year. It's been too many years since I've indulged regularly in a summer snow cone! I love that I get to share one of my favorite childhood treats with my kids. We've been having fun experimenting with flavors: Tiger's Blood, Batman, Wedding Cake, and the ever-popular rainbow. (The photos are on Kristi's camera.)

9. Last Sunday, Tina and I took our sons and husbands to East Texas for a train ride.This year marks the 75th anniversary of The Lone Ranger, and the Texas State Railroad paid tribute to the western hero by reenacting a familiar scenario from the show. Bandits boarded the train with intent to rob its passengers, but the Lone Ranger and his trusty friend Tonto rode in to save the day. We all had a blast!

8. I was blessed last week with a special visit from my friend Martha and her family, who live near Sacramento. Darren and I stayed at their home 18 months ago when we went to Tahoe for our anniversary, and it was nice to welcome her family this time. Since they were in the general area for a family reunion anyway, they made the trek to Fort Worth where our families got together for lunch on my birthday and chowed down on the BEST cheeseburgers in the world! Of course, maybe I just thought so because it was the first cheeseburger I've had in so long. :)

7. The end of the school year always brings a slew of activity, and this year was the busiest yet. During the last week, I taught a day-long scrapbooking workshop at the boys' school. Marvelous Monday is an annual event where the students get to choose a day's worth of special classes. Each class lasts an hour or so, and the kids can choose subjects ranging from chess (which Darren taught) to soccer to cooking. Ian's favorite was Zooniveristy, featuring animals and zookeepers from the Fort Worth Zoo. Aidan really enjoyed ***. The classes I taught made a paper bag scrapbook from start to finish. It was a jam-packed hour, but loads of fun and a huge success. I was exhausted at the end of the day and swore to never do it again, but I've already forgotten the pain. I'm sure I'll be on board again next year! Then there were the end-of-year parties, Field Day, field trips, awards banquets, choir concerts, and teacher gifts. I love being involved in the kids' school lives, but summer was a welcome break. Whew!

6. Dani had the most stressful couple of months of her young life late this spring. Between her job, 5 AP tests, the SAT, creating the annual video for the choir banquet (she's the Historian) and other commitments, she barely had time to eat and sleep. She managed to talk her boss into taking off for the two weeks of APs, and managed to do well on 4 of them. The 5th one - Chemistry - she decided not to take at the last minute. She also pulled her grades up significantly for the last six weeks, hopefully planting herself back in the top 10% of her class. (She'd slipped to 53 out of 510 students.) When all of her school stress was over, she set her sites on landing a summer internship with a law firm, and ended up with a new part-time job! She spends about 20 hours a week entering data, creating databases and organizing files for a lawyer downtown. She's loving it!

5. Speaking of Dani, she'll be getting her driver's license next month, 1 day after her 17th birthday. She drives as often as we'll let her, which when she's with ME, is darn near every time. She's become a pretty good driver, despite some early hair-raising, life-flashing, pee-seeping moments on the road. I'm almost okay with her driving without me in the front seat. Almost.

4. Aidan and Ian experienced summer camp for the first time last week. Camp of the Hills is a non-profit that provides a summer camp experience for inner city kids who otherwise could never afford it. The expenses are covered by churches, organizations such as Boys and Girls Clubs, and individuals. I've been familiar with CotH because our Fortress kids attend every year, but until last week, I'd never actually been there during camp. While the boys participated as campers (THEY LOVED IT AND ARE BEGGING TO GO BACK!), I sorted and organized the dozens of boxes of craft supplies that had been donated from here there and everywhere. Then I dreamed up crafts that the campers could make with the materials we had on hand. I ended up making kits to last for the whole summer - everything from "Junky Bracelets" made from saftey pins and random beads; leather journals made from leftovers from a big reupholstering project; personalized picture frames that can be used for a camp photo; fabric-tied flip flops; a wooden cross beaded wallhanging thingy, and several dozen various bead projects. I had so much fun, and loved the challenge of figuring out how to use what I had in front of me.

As for the boys, they bonded with their counselors and fellow campers and had the time of their lives. CotH is located in Texas Hill Country, and the boys' cabins are across a big ravine from the girls' cabins and the mess hall. The northern shores of Lake Travis are down a huge hill, as is the swimming hole. It was almost like being in the mountains, in that you have to hike everywhere you go at camp. They got to canoe on the lake, fish, hike, play sports, and everything else you'd expect at camp. Aidan even performed in the Talent Show; he demonstrated his mad napkin-folding skills by creating a hat with a dinner napkin. I didn't know he knew how to do that! The crowd roared when he was finished, and he took a big bow. LOL! Ian won two awards on Banquet Night: "Best Camper" and "The Gentle Spirit Award". Aidan's awards were "Bible Facts Knowledge King" and "Most Amazing Napkin Folder in the World".

3. At the beginning of the month, I had the most incredible opportunity to spend a long weekend at my friend Lee's beach house on Cape Cod! Kristi and I flew up together and enjoyed days and days of relaxation and picture-perfect seascapes, while enjoying the company of 5 wonderful, witty, warm, welcoming women. It was exactly the right timing, and it couldn't have been more perfect. Lee's vacation home is seriously the most gorgeous home I've ever set foot in - it should be gracing the pages of Beautiful Home magazine! Lee is a generous, gracious host, and I'll never be able to thank her properly for inviting me to share a bit of her "heaven on earth". (Lee has a bunch of photos posted on her blog. Click here.)

2. Before we headed to the Cape, Kristi and I spent a couple of days with friends who live in New Hampshire - Sarah and Melissa. They drove us up the coast from Boston to Kennebunkport, Maine, stopping in little coastal towns along the way. It was COLD and blustery, but I loved it. It's exactly how I had Maine pictured in my mind: cold, gray, windy skies and white-capped, choppy, wild waves slapping against rocks and ledges. It was beautiful. Sarah and Melissa were so sweet to drag their kids out (they each have 3!) to entertain Kristi and me. We loved out time spent with them!

1. I'm out of time. Cara will be here in 15 minutes to whisk me away for a birthday overnight girls' outing, and I still haven't packed up! I'll post #1 when I return tomorrow night. (I promise, Darren! And I saved the best for last. xoxo)

30 pounds. That's a lot of beef!

Every month, I've committed to holding something that's the amount of weight I've lost. Here was month #1. Here's month #2:



That's beef. 20 pounds of brisket, 6 pounds of t-bones, and 4 pounds of ground sirloin.
That's nasty. Raw meat makes me gag. But MORE than that...
THAT's HEAVY! My arms were burning by the time Cara snapped an in-focus picture! To think, I've been carrying that around on my butt for all these years. Ack.

People keep asking me how I'm doing it.
"You've lost 30 pounds in 8 weeks! I wanna do what you're doing! Teach me how to have the willpower you have! What's your secret??"

I always answer honestly, even though it sounds a little hokey when I say it.
I'll answer here the same way.... tomorrow.
:)

recognizing triggers: emotional

Two weeks ago, I received some upsetting news about someone I love dearly. As I tried to process the information in my head, I found myself taking the boys to Braum's for an after school ice cream treat. At the counter, I ordered their ice cream, and looked at the menu hanging above, where a big glossy photo of a Black Forest Sundae was featured.

It looked wonderful.
I needed to have it.
I opened my mouth to order it.

And then I thought, "No. You don't want it. You're not even hungry. You're acting out of emotion."

See, food has always been a coping mechanism for me. It's always comforted me. It's the first thing I turn to in times of trial.

I stood there at the ice cream counter, BonQuiQui smacking her gum, getting tired of waiting on me to finish my order. Do I want the sundae? Yes. No. But yes. BUT NO! Major internal struggle. I'm eating out of emotion, don't do it. BUT I DON'T CARE THAT I'M EATING OUT OF EMOTION. Yes I do. NO I DON'T! Yes. I do. I'm stronger than this.

Finally, I ordered a kid-sized 96% fat free frozen yogurt.

I walked every day that week except Friday, and went to both Nia sessions. On Thursday morning, I SO didn't want to go to Nia. I knew it would benefit me emotionally and spiritually, but physically, the emotional roller coaster had left me with NO energy. I went anyway. Sure enough, I kept running out of steam and thought about quitting. Several times, a cry rose up in my throat and I considered running out to the stairwell and having a good bawl. Other times, I'd be so lost in my thoughts and worries that I'd forget I was at Nia - the class would be doing something completely different and I'd be either doing the moves from the previous set, or pacing back and forth, oblivious to anyone around me. After class, Megan said, "You look like you could cry." She took me into her arms and held me tight. I knew I'd cry if she didn't let me go, and despite me trying to pull away several times, she wouldn't release me. Eventually, I relaxed into her embrace and let the tears fall. It was cleansing and such a relief to let a little of it out. I love her for seeing that need and for gifting me with her amazing spirit of compassion.

Turns out, the calming effect of Nia on my heart and soul and mind is EXACTLY what I needed to quiet the emotional triggers. Even though every fiber of my being protested me being there, it was the weapon I needed to beat down the monsters once and for all. The next session I attended put the monster out of his wounded misery, as I pounded the crap out him during the martial arts portions of class. It is an AMAZING feeling to face and beat such a beast.

Never again will I allow emotional triggers to get the best of me. I'm a new woman, and this new life of mine is so much bigger than me and my weaknesses. It's becoming a spiritual and an emotional journey more and more everyday. The physical changes are just icing!

to Tiffany, and my other Mom friends everywhere

My dear sweet friend Tiffany is having a hard time. She's fighting that ugly beast that all Moms have to beat off every now and then. You know it - you've confronted it before. It's the lie that tells you that you're a bad Mom. That you're not doing your kids justice. That you should be the one holding The Bad Mother Award.

Tiffany wrote,
I get tired of being a mom every now and then and I am not the perfect mother....the one who enjoys every single minute with their child and thinks that all of their antics are delightful. I tire of the whining and yes (GASP) I even get tired of playing Candyland and Hullabaloo. Sometimes I even breathe a sigh of relief when the child is down for the night.

And for those reasons, I suppose, I am a bad mom (per my husband's definition). Please tell me I am not the only one who doubts herself? Please tell me that I am really a lot like other people. Please.

It's the mothers who claim to NEVER have those feelings.... who claim that they ALWAYS gaily anticipate another round of Hi Ho Cherry-O... who say that they still read Go Dog Go with fresh enthusiasm, even on the 348th night in a row...who expect us to believe that they've NEVER sent baby to bed with a bottle, or have NEVER shoved a cold Pop Tart in to a 6-year old's hand on the way out the door in the morning, or have NEVER pulled dirty socks out of the hamper because there were no clean ones in the drawer...THOSE are the bad mothers, because they're liars.

You, my dear friend, are real. And honest. And while you might have occasional thoughts of "get this kid away from me!!!!", the majority of the time, you're rational even when stretched to the limit, nurturing even when sleep-deprived, and a wonderful, loving Mom, even when the doubt monster thumbs his nose at you.

I have my moments, I'll admit it. I'm not always a GOOD mom, as is evidenced by the layout following this post. But by golly, I'm certainly not a BAD mom, and neither are you.

Cut yourself some slack today. Let yourself be honored, and honor yourself. You deserve it!

plugging along

Spring is always a crazy-busy time around here. This year is no exception.

We've all had the regular business of spring to contend with, but on top of that, we've each had new individual goals this year.

This time last spring, Dani was choosing classes for her junior year. she chose to take five (5!) Advanced Placement classes. I told her then that it was too many... that AP Test time would kill her, and she'd hate her life. Well, in many ways, I was right. She's stressed to her limits right now. Last Friday, she took her SAT. The following Monday, she took her first AP test (in Government - she feels very confident about a good score on it!), and then yesterday, she took her 2nd, in US History. Next week, she has Latin, Chemistry and English. Good enough scores on these tests mean that she'll receive college credit for those classes, so it's a big deal to her. During all of this studying, she's also performed her duty as Choir Historian by creating an AWESOME video highlighting all 4 of Paschal's choirs this school year. The banquet was Thursday evening, and she was awarded "Most Improved Junior" in the A Capella choir. She also tried out and was given a spot in next year's Madrigal Choir. All of this, on top of a trip to New York (with choir), her job, and household responsibilities. She's ending her junior year with a bang, and I suspect she'll sleep all summer to make up for it!

Darren has finally wrapped up a horrendous project at work, and received his review for last year. He got excellent marks in every area of the review, and was rewarded with a nice raise, which has already gone into effect. He ran another 5k this morning, and here's what he had to say about that, in his own words:

I had 3 goals for this race. First, I wanted to finish in under 30:00 for
the first time ever. (Also, Aidan's last 5K was 30:00 so I could finally beat
him, hehehe.) Second, I wanted to not walk at all during the whole race. Third,
if everything went well, I really wanted to get down to 28:00.

The race started out fast going downhill for the first 1/2 mile. Bryan was flying and I was trying to keep up with him. He finished his first mile in 8:01 and I was
about 15 seconds back at the time. I dropped further behind him throughout the
race and the last time I saw him was when I was at the 2 mile mark.

The fast pace, the high humidity and the last uphill mile did me in. I had to stop and walk twice for a total of about 100 yards during the last 1-1/4 miles.
With about 3/4 mile to go I found someone else to mutually encourage to the end. That was good, because I was really starting to lag and droop my head.

I sped up a little for the last 1/4 mile and watched the clock tick right up to the finish. 29:29 was what it read as I passed under.

Yeah! My first sub-30:00 5K! My chip time is probably a few seconds over 29:00, but given the rough conditions I felt it was overall a good effort.

Darren

As for me, I've lost another 3 pounds, for a total of 24 pounds lost.
I'm wearing a smaller size in pants, and I'm buttoning shirts that I've always had to wear open with a cami underneath. I feel fantastic, and it amazes me that I'd rather walk these days than drive. I feel so good after only 24 pounds that I simply can not IMAGINE how good I'll feel when I finally reach my goal. Only 126 pounds to go!! :)

blast

Last week, I de-cat-haired my house in anticipation of company. I knew that at least one of my guest was allergic to cats, so I put forth my best effort in cleaning every corner and baseboard. If only I'd known that one of them would be allergic to TEXAS!! The pecan pollen just about did poor Melissa in!

On Thursday, when everyone began to arrive, Kristi and I met three of them - Melissa, Sarah, and Lee - at the airport, then whisked them away to my corner of the metroplex for Fuzzy's Tacos - my favorite! From there, we picked up Cara, then headed back to the airport for Desiree. After spending the day shopping at my favorite scrapbook store, we made our way back to Fort Worth and the historic Stockyards, where we scarfed down tender, juicy, perfectly seasoned filets.

The next morning, 4 more friends arrived, and Darren prepared a scrumptious brunch of fresh fruit, miniature quiches, muffins, and pigs in a blanket. (I don't think I could ever entertain if not for Costco. The muffins and little quiches came from there.) By noon, we were on the road, headed for Summers Mill, outside of Salado, for a scrapbooking retreat.

Don't laugh, but we (by we, I mean Sheri) rented a U-Haul trailer to haul all of our scrap crap! Seriously... 11 women, a weekend's worth of clothes and toiletries, and our scrap stuff. We filled the floor of the trailer, and even had some stuff stacked on top of it!

On our way down to Summers Mill, we stopped in Waco to visit fellow scrapbooking friend Melissa, and to meet her 1-week old baby. He was adorable, and Melissa, as always, looked radiant. Her other two children were thrilled to have visitors, and were delightful and sweet, just like their Mommy.

I had a BLAST at the retreat! I have proof, too. Usually, I'm able to get anywhere from 20-30 layouts done, but this time, I only finished FIVE! And they were five simple ones at that! Since I largely work on client jobs here at home, I make myself work on my own photos at retreats. That's usually enough to motivate me and keep me working throughout the weekend; it's fun to work on my own memories! But this weekend, I was feeling more social than motivated. I don't regret it, though. Between visiting with the other 41 women there and reconnecting with old friends, I had the BEST time! We found time to shop in Salado (a treat in itself), sing karaoke (I did Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'"), and to take a 2 mile walk around the pastoral property.

Sunday night, we returned to Fort Worth, where Melissa, Sarah, Tiffany, Desiree and I managed to stay up all night long! At about 2:00, I said, "We have to leave for the airport in 3 hours. We might as well stay up." And so we did.

Great friends.

Great times.

What a blast!

bloom and grow

Shhh. Don't tell Darren. I did yardwork today.

Yesterday, Marjorie helped me choose plants for my front stoop pots, and this morning we planted them. Using her "thrill, fill, spill" method, I put some tall stuff in the center, then filled in around that with plants and flowers, and then planted some vines around the edge that will spill over the side. I had enough leftovers to plant three smaller pots for the backyard.

I really like the way they all turned out, and now I'm anxious for them to grow and fill out more.

Next, I broke up the clay/gravel soil between the sidewalk and the street next to our driveway and laid some sod. I was sweating bullets from the exertion, and told Marjorie that my old bod wasn't accustomed to hard manual labor. I made her promise not to tell Darren, lest he get the idea in his head that this might become a regular thing. It won't. Too many woims in the ground for one thing, and I still haven't gotten all the dirt from underneath my fingernails. ha

(for future reference)

the plants in the stoop containers;
Thrill: dracaena spike
Fill: coleus (2 varieties), Mexican heather, marigold
Spill: vinca vine (wojo's gem), lamium (silver), creeping jenny

in the backyard:
Thrill: salvia
Fill: verbena, coleus
Spill: asparagus fern

on the ground:
lantana

20 pounds (9.09 kilos)

Twenty pounds of potatoes. Sweet Holy Moses on buttered toast, those bags are heavy! Especially when you're trying to do curls with them!

That 20 pounds used to be on my bod. I've decided to photograph myself holding the amount of weight I've lost every month. Should be fun!

Today was my 1-month follow-up with my doctor. He prescribed Phentermine (an appetite suppresant) for me last month, which requires a monthly check-up. I didn't take the Phentermine for 5 days last week, because I was doing an experiment on myself. I'd been crashing HARD - hitting a wall - every afternoon at 4:30 or 5:00, and I thought it might be an effect of the medicine wearing off. But when NOT taking it, I still hit that wall every day. I think (and so does my doc) that it was just my body trying to adjust to its new life. It wasn't used to exercising and burning calories during the day at ALL!

He asked if I'd noticed that the pills give me more energy. Honestly, I haven't. I told him that the only side effect I could tell was that during those 5 days when I wasn't taking it, I was starving in the evenings. Evenings have always been my trouble time. It's when I used to get the bulk of my calories.

Doctor said, "See, this is why I hate these pills. I'm afraid that when you go off of them, you'll slip back into those old habits and gain it all back. I see it happen all the time."

I said, "Dr. J! It's not gonna happen, because I'm replacing those bad habits with good ones. I'm not just taking the pills. I'm also exercising every day, (I walk 2 miles on MWF, and do an hour of NIA on T/Th) and starting Monday, I'm adding resistance training to the mix. And I'm eating 6 small meals a day, and never after 7:30 or so, and I'm staying between 1500 and 1600 calories. I will never slip back into those old habits."

He beamed. BEAMED, I tell you!
"Stace, girl, you're ROCKING this!"
He was so proud of me, and since he's always been so nurturing and seemed so fatherly to me, his pride and the big pat on my back felt SO good.

I'm grateful for the pills, because I know they've helped me jumpstart this whole new lifestyle. But I'm also proud of the fact that I'm making great strides towards a future without them. I'm working hard, and it's paying off. I feel. SO. GOOD!

I've lost 21 pounds in 4 weeks.
130 to go! :)

Kindness

I spent all day in the car. At 9:20, I left home and headed to Frisco to run an Ikea errand I've been putting off for weeks. I arrived back in Fort Worth in time to take Dani to the doctor at 1:00. After dropping her off, I headed downtown to pick up Darren from work, and dropped him off at his massage appointment. From there, I made a quick stop at Vending Nut Co. for walnuts and dried apricots, and made it back to Dani's doctor just in time to pick her up. Dropped her off at school, stopped at Family Dollar for a few necessities, and made it to the massage therapist just as Darren was walking out the door. Then straight to the boys' school for pickup time. And finally, at 3:15, I was back home.

When I walked into the family room, I immediately noticed a grocery bag sitting outside on the front porch. Inside it was a shopping bag from Old Navy. My first thought was that Dani had lost an article of clothing on her NYC trip last weekend, and it had been returned by one of her friends' Moms. But no - it was a new shirt. In MY size.

Well, wait. Not exactly my size. It was in a size I wouldn't have even bothered to take off the rack, much less try on. But I LOVED the shirt. It's one of my favorite colors, and I loved the style. I came back in the house, showed it to Darren, and then immediately stripped off my t-shirt and slipped this one on. I couldn't believe it fit!

I looked again in the bags in search of a note, but there wasn't one. My first thought (and Darren's too) was Mecca, because the shirt looked like something she'd wear, and she's just the type to leave a gift like that. So I walked down to her house, but she swore it wasn't her. She DID tell me to see if anything was written on the sack, though.

Sure enough, I'd missed it the first time. There was a note.
"Pay it Forward!
Stacy, keep up the hard work!
Pay it forward with kindness."

I almost walked back down to Mecca's, because I was sure it must've been her.
Or Kristi. Or Cara. Or Megan. Maybe Tina. Marjorie! Possibly Wendy. Luann?

In the end, I decided to let it go and just enjoy the anonymity. That is SO hard for me to do. I wanna know who to hug and smooch!

I love the new shirt. I love the new size. But most of all, I love the spirit of whoever left it on my porch.

POWER! Identifying triggers

So, let me start from the beginning.

When my doctor told me 18 months ago that I'd die young if I didn't get this weight off, and that it was time to do something drastic, he encouraged me to look into gastric bypass and lap band, etc. Darren was completely against it, 100%. One of the reasons *I* decided against it as well is, I felt like I needed to be ready to lose the weight psychologically and emotionally before I did anything drastic. I've heard of too many people who have the surgery just to gain it all back, and I didn't want to be one of those people. For me, I knew that half the battle was in my head.

Finally, through a whole bunch of little things that are starting to be clear to me now, I reached that psychological/emotional place - in just the last couple of months. Slowly, I'm starting to identify triggers in me - emotional triggers, mental triggers, whatever - that cause me to engage in unhealthy habits. It's so empowering to identify those and battle them head to head!

Thursday night, we had a program at school (Ian's Kindergarten class was performing), so we had to grab a quick dinner. We decided to stop at L'il Caesar's for a couple of their $5 Hot-n-Ready pizzas. There's a Subway right next door, so I went in and ordered a Veggie Delight Sub. The pizza hadn't even sounded appetizing to me when we ordered it, but when we got home and Darren opened the pizza boxes, I swear, saliva dribbled down my chin. I quickly put it out of my mind and dined on my sub instead. Then I got rid of the pizza leftovers by giving them to a friend who came over later.

Friday, I took the boys to 7-11 after school for a treat. It's something we do about once a month to reward them for good behavior at school. I always, ALWAYS get a candy bar (or two!) when I'm there, along with a Diet Coke. I stared longingly at the 3 Musketeers, Reese's, Heath., Skor; all of my favorites were there. Beside the candy... a freezer full of pint-size Ben and Jerry's. I haven't craved chocolate or candy since I began this journey 3 weeks ago, but Friday, I had a battle of wills right there on the candy aisle. Eventually I made my way to the nuts and grabbed a packet of whole natural almonds. Instead of Coke, I rewarded myself with strawberry Propel (water) - the first flavored drink I've had in 3 weeks today! (but who's counting!)

Anyway. One of my triggers is so simple. It's the Because It's There trigger. If there's food before me, or the opportunity to GET food, I've always felt like I'd be a fool not to take it. There've been times when, at 7-11, I've gotten TWO candy bars for myself, because "I might get a hankerin' for a candy bar tomorrow, so it'll be good to have an extra one on hand." Then of course, I'd devour BOTH candy bars in the car on the way home. Often, I'd eat when I wasn't even HUNGRY (especially at parties, where the food is laid out before me). Sometimes I'd eat beforehand, to try to keep myself from eating too much while I was out. It backfired everytime. I ended up eating at home AND pigging out at the party. Because it was there.

So. I can't avoid the trigger of having food there. It'll always be there. But it feels good to identify it as a trigger and make myself think about how to react to it. Today, I reacted by choosing something healthy. I really was hungry - it was time for my afternoon snack anyway. But the fact that I recognized the trigger (I didn't want the candy until it was there in front of me), then analyzed it, identified true hunger, and made a good choice.... man. That's POWER!!

I have a bunch more issues to tackle, and I know that most of them will be a lot more profound than this one. Still, it feels great to have this one behind me.

By the way - I'm 10% of the way to my goal! I've lost 15 pounds since March 29. Go me!!

What brings out the kid in you?

For me, it's airplanes.

I'm in awe of them. I love to fly, but I think even more, I love to watch airplanes in the air. When I see a contrail in the sky, I almost can't take my eyes off of the plane that's leaving it; I'll watch it until it disappears from sight.

When I'm driving past the airport, and there's a plane coming in for a landing (at DFW, there are ALWAYS planes coming in), I try to time it so that I can drive right under it as it passes directly overhead, so close I have the urge to reach up and touch it as it goes by. I'm a road hazard when I'm driving near the airport, because I have a hard time keeping my eyes on the road. I lean forward and over and back - whatever it takes to get a better glimpse of the planes - before I remember that I'm actually supposed to be paying attention to the road.

Airplanes make me feel like a little kid. One of my "things to do before I die" was to fly in a prop plane. I finally did that 3 years ago - in Ireland, over the Atlantic Ocean no less - but it was an 8-seater, and I was in the 3rd row. It wasn't thrilling enough. I wanted to sit in the co-pilot's seat! DANI GOT TO SIT THERE, and I was insanely jealous the whole time. I practically pouted. See? Airplanes bring out the kid in me!


On Mother's Day a couple of years ago, we spent the afternoon at an Air Show. Some of my friends felt sorry for me, saying, "Aw. I'm sorry you had to spend your Mother's Day like that." I had to explain to them that I was THRILLED. I wouldn't have wanted to spend it any other day! What could've been more fun that watching amazing flying formations over and over and over with my family? Well, riding shotgun in one of those jets, maybe. :)

my favorite things, A to Z

From my friend Carol:
I'm watching Ellen and she just talked about some of her favorite things...by the alphabet...off the top of her head. It was not as easy as I thought it would be. Your turn.

Here's mine. And I'm gonna tag some people.
KelleyB, Kris, and Veronica - your turn!

A - airplanes (I'm like a little boy. When I drive past the airport, I'm a danger on the road because I can't stop watching the planes!)
B - banana pudding. My friend Gayla makes the best EVER. It's so bad for me, but oh my WORD, is it delicious! It's funny, though. I'm not real fond of bananas otherwise.
C - Christmas season. I love the hubbub, the twinkly lights, the crispness in the air, the excuse for yummy over-the-top meals, the giving. And yes, the getting, too. Like I said - I'm like a little kid!
D - dollars. Come one. Who DOESN'T love to find an extra dollar in the bottom of your purse, or in the pocket of your winter coat, or under the seat of your car?
E - email. I'm hugely dependent on it, and couldn't run my business or my life without it!
F - Fortress. It's so much more than the place I go to worship on Sundays. It's my friends. It's my comfort. It's my calling. It's where my talents are needed and used. It's where I'm stretched and challenged. It's my home.
G - Google. For real. How many times have I wished I had google at my fingertips? I use it multiple times a day. (I need an iPhone for when I'm not sitting here at home!) Wanna know what that cool hummingbird-looking moth is? Google can tell you. Who starred in Starsky and Hutch? Google knows. What can you do for free in NYC? Ask Google!
H - Hydrangeas. I think they're beautiful, especially the blue variety.
I - Ireland. I've been fortunate to see a lot of places, but this by far ranks as my favorite of all. Ireland is where we've spent the most time on any vacation to date, and it still wasn't enough. I'm itching to go back. Life is so quiet there. So still. So simple. I crave it sometimes.
J - Jif. Don't make me eat Peter Pan or Skippy (do they still make that?). Gotta be Jif.
K - Kahlua. A little in my coffee, or in my brownies. Either way, mmm mmm good.
L - laughter. I love to laugh, and I love the sound of others laughing. I've heard that Elaine's friend (and my blog friend) KelleyB has a HUGE, great laugh, and that makes me want to meet her really bad so we can kick our heads back together and let it rip!
M - Music. From Pink Floyd to The Cambridge Singers. From ACapella to GooGoo Dolls. I love it all.
N -Nia. Who'd thunk I'd EVER list exercise as one of my favorite things? I love it. It integrates yoga, martial arts, and dance. It give me a good workout while somehow totally relaxing my mind and soul. It affirms me. I find myself looking FORWARD to it. That's something!
O - onions. Grilled, to be exact. I love me some grilled onions!
P - Potatoes. I've been known to pass up dessert for another helping of mashed potatoes!
Q - quilts. I'm not a quilter myself (I dabbled in the early 90s, but never produced anything wonderful.) But I'm enamored of them - from the patchwork quilt handed down to me from my great-grandmother Ethel to Elaine's amazing art quilts.
R - Rebel. As in my Canon Rebel XTi. I coveting that thing for a long time and haven't regretted spending the big bucks on it yet. It's a workhorse, and is SO much fun to play with! From the mountaintops of Colorado to the subways of NYC, it's never produced a photo I was disappointed with.
S - Sunday Crossword in the NYTimes. I'm obsessed. Darren used to print one every day for me and bring it home, and I'd work it in bed at night. At Christmas, Dad gave me a book with hundreds of them in it. I'm almost finished with it.
T - tea. My mom's best friend, Ann, used to make tea so sweet that you'd swear you were drinking syrup. I'd often go across the street and play with Kevin and Stacy JUST to have a glass of that yumminess! I suppose it's her fault that I still love an ice cold glass of sweet tea to this day.
U - USA.
V - volleyball. I used to play regularly in college. When I see people playing these days, it brings back such good memories, and I have to stop myself from barging in and joining them!
W - weight loss. Yep. One of my favorite things right now!
X - Xyron, a wonderful little gadget that makes scrapbooking easier by applying adhesive to the backs of hard-to-adhere things like ribbon and tiny letters.
Y - YouTube. Seriously. Find clips from your favorite shows, performaces. movies. Search for "kitty cat dance" and see what Aidan and Ian are cracking up at these days. Over and over. and over and over.
Z - zip code. Specifically, mine: 76110. I love where I live and feel so blessed to have made a home on such a happy block, in such a lovely neighborhood, near such an amazing dowtown and arts district, within walking distance of such a wonderful school, and with such great diversity.

Sherry's Challenge

1) Right now I want: to lay down and take a nap. I thought daily exercise and healthy eating was supposed to give me MORE energy!

2) I wish I knew how to: keep better books so tax time for my business wouldn't be so time-consuming.

3) When I want to indulge myself, I: hmmm. Two weeks ago, I'd have said "Go get a Diet Vanilla Coke from Sonic", or "meet Cara and Kristi for drinks and desserts." But none of that fits in with my healthy outlook anymore. I dunno. It's time to learn how to indulge without it involving calories!

4) You’ll never see me: wearing high heels. I have a pair of 2" pumps, and that's as high as I can manage. I'm a klutz, and besides that, I don't believe in wearing shoes that hurt your feet. :)

5) A childhood memory that I love: Dad letting me drive the truck when we were out at the farm - me sitting on the edge of the seat as tall as I could, stretching to reach the gas pedal.

6) 2 things I do every single day: refill the water filter thingy in the fridge, and stay up too late.

7) Happiest moment of 2008, so far: falling asleep on Darren's chest a couple of days ago. When I woke up, I just thought, "Wow. How lucky am I?!" Contentment is a wonderful feeling. I'm in a really good place right now!

8) Describe yourself in 3 words: motivated, fun, dependable.

9) 2 scrap related goals for this year: Finish Ireland and both Colorado cabin trips.

10) You have $40 that you MUST spend on yourself – what do you do with it? get a pedicure.

Real Beauty

In our Sunday afternoon girls' Bible study at Fortress, Sheena and I have been trying to find ways for the girls' to see themselves through God's eyes.

So often, growing up in the crime-ridden neighborhoods of the inner city, where drugs and prostitution are part of your everyday, where your self-worth is dependent on being either invisible or exploited, seeing yourself in a positive light is hard. Imagining that God loves you ANYway is nearly impossible.

As a reward for attending our class faithfully this semester, we rewarded the girls with a makeover to end the lesson series. This past Sunday was makeover day. First, we took the girls to a beauty supply store and let them choose a hair product. Viola wanted tracks (hair extensions), TeTe wanted a wig, and Royleesha chose a perm (a relaxer to make her hair straight).

We arrived at my house and got down to business. I'd never given a perm before, much less on hair like Royleesha's! She has 4 times as much hair as Dani does, and I thought DANI had thick hair! It took me an hour brush through and seperate all the hair into sections, and apply the solution. Then it took forever to dry and flatiron it afterwards. But the results were stunning. Royleesha was beautiful, and part of what made her so was the sparkle in her eyes. She FELT gorgeous!

Sheena laid Viola's tracks and made TeTe's wig, and Cara did the makeup. We had a photo session in my front yard when it was all over. It was such a fun afternoon, just chatting with the girls and spending good, quality time together. I'm going to give each of them a framed 8x10 from their portrait session, with the caption "This is how God sees you... every day... no matter what." I hope they continue to believe it. They are beautiful, most especially when they believe that God thinks so.

it's the little things (it always is!)

We've had a long, rough week here in Cowtown.
Darren's had a hellacious week at work.
Dani was scheduled every night at Panera, and had homework and a UIL competition on top of that (Paschal's Acappella and Select Women's Choirs each earned a "1" in competition!), and I gave up Diet Coke with Vanilla.

Yep, you read that right. I stopped cold. I haven't had one in 7 days now. I bet the carhops at Sonic are wondering if I fell off the face of the earth by now. Wednesday and Thursday were pretty difficult, as I fought a headache that would.not.quit.

But the week ended on a really good note. Darren was able to unwind a little last night and put work out of his mind. We had dinner at Daddy Jacks (seafood) with Marjorie and Tom, and then went to our monthly concert with the Fort Worth Symphony Orchestra. Last night featured Natalie Mac Master, a Celtic fiddler who danced and stepped the entire time she played. AMAZING. She was so much fun, and put on a fantastic show. We fell in love with Irish music on our vacation there a few years back, so we really enjoyed the tunes last night. It was a wonderfully relaxing evening.

Dani gave her two weeks' notice at work almost two weeks ago. Monday was to be her last day, and after her schedule this week, it couldn't come fast enough. Her main reason for quitting was the scheduling. Consistently, she's been scheduled to work on days she had asked off for (always school-related stuff), and she'd been working 4 school nights per week, when the agreement at the beginning was only 2. When she arrived at work last night, her boss gave her a $1/hour raise, and agreed to be more accommodating with the schedule. They sat down and went over the calendar through May. Dani blacked out all the dates she must have off; she has a choir trip to NYC this month, then her SAT, then 5 AP tests, and the choir banquet, for which she has to prepare a video and a scrapbook as part of her Historian duties. There needs to be a lot of study time in there. Her manager agreed to only schedule her for one day per week until she's finished with all of those school obligations. Wow! It's unheard of to get a $1 raise in the food service industry, and then to be given all the time off you need immediately. They really wanted to keep her, which leads me to believe that she's a really good employee. That makes me proud!

As for me, already my body is craving water instead of Diet Coke. Mmmmm. That's a good thing! Better yet, I weighed in this morning - my first of The Saturday Weigh-Ins, and just by dropping Diet Coke and fast food, and adding walking and exercise (Nia - more on that in another post), I've lost 5 pounds!! Only 145 to go! lol

The boys spend the night with Grammy and PapPap last night (always a treat for them!), and Darren's spending the day working in the yard. It's a gorgeous 72 degrees today. I'm working on my '07 business taxes, and doing laundry. Do I know how to have fun, or what?

Anyway. It's the little things that make life beautiful. We're celebrating a lot of little things today. :)

small victories, great feeling!

1. Yesterday morning, I had to fast for some more blood work that I was having done. When I got finished at the lab, it was noon and I was STARVING. I had another appointment at 12:30, so I thought, "I'll just grab some Jack in the Box" on the way.

Immediately, I realized what a horrible idea that was. It's just such a habit for me to eat on the run; it was my first instinct. After that, I had a battle of wills within myself to NOT TURN THE CAR TOWARDS fast food row! Ultimately, I drove home instead and made a quick sandwich. VICTORY!! I was so proud of myself that when I got to my next appointment, I wanted to tell every stranger I passed, "Hey! Guess what I just did?" lol

2. Later, at the playground after school, one of the Moms asked me if I'd lost weight. SURELY I've not lost any yet (I'm only gonna weigh on Saturdays, so I don't know for sure, but it's only been a week since I went hard core with the diet and exercise.) Then last night, my friend's brother said, "You've been losing weight!" I kissed him on the cheek for saying so! Neither of these people know I've started this journey, so I know they weren't blowing sunshine up my pantiloons. I can't imagine that it's noticeable already, but it sure felt great to hear!

3. I've made it 6 days without a Diet Coke (or ANY caffeine or carbonated beverage.) All I've had is water. The headache Wednesday and yesterday was intense (and yet, I still went to my Nia class! Go me!), but it's finally abated. I think I'm over the hardest part now! The best thing is, my body craves water already. That's gonna be so good for me.

April Fool's

The most convincing - but possibly meanest - prank I ever pulled was on my poor Mom and Dad. I was a freshman in college, living in a dorm, 95 miles from home. Just after midnight on April 1, I walked to the pay phone down the hall from my room on the 7th floor of Kerr Hall and dialed Mom and Dad at home.

"Dad," I whimpered to the sleepy voice that answered the phone.
"Dad, I'm... in.... jail."

"Stacy! Where?"

"Here, in Denton."

"Why?"

"I don't know."

"You don't KNOW?"

"No. They just arrested me, but they won't tell me why."

The conversation went on for a few minutes. I played my part well; I sounded like a scared -to-death kid. And it worked. My Dad was pulling on his pants, getting ready to drive to Denton before I busted out laughing and said "April Fool's!" He didn't think it was one bit funny. Neither did Mom. I wonder if they remember that night.

Today, Darren and I pranked the boys. Darren had the afternoon off, so we walked together to pick up the boys from school. When we got there, we told them that we were going to let them play at the playground, something they beg to do on an almost daily basis. Their eyes lit up and the three of them (we had Tristan, too) let out a "yahoo" and started running for the playground.

"WAIT," Darren said. "April Fool's. We're not going to the playground."
There was a chorus of "Aw, Man!" and some really angry looking eyes coming from the three of them.
"April Fools! We really ARE going to the playground."
That was followed by a couple of playful punches to Darren's arm and some nervous laughter.
"But first, Mom and I signed up us all up to clean the playground."

The boys all looked at Darren, then at me, then back at Darren."
He continued, "It's a school thing. They get the parents to volunteer to clean the playground one day per year, and today is our day."

The boys stood in stunned silence. They didn't know what to think.

I chimed in, "But you still get to play! It's just that first, you have to clean the whole playground."

Ian fell in a crumpled heap on the ground at Darren's feet and began to wail. Tristan and Aidan began to protest. Then Darren and I said, "April Fool's!! We got you!" Ian stood up, wiped his tears, and tried not to smile too big. He knew he'd been had, and while he HATED it, he couldn't help but think it was funny. Tristan tried to act like he knew we were joking, but let me tell you: that kid was about to cry, too.

Darren and I high-fived and giggled all the way to the playground.
I have a bad feeling that karma's gonna get me some day!

6 words

the challenge: write your memoir. In six words.

Loved life.
Laughed loudly.
Pursued God.

or maybe this:

Messy house.
Dancing soul.
Happy heart.

or perhaps this:

Wife, Mom, Friend, Artist, Traveler, Mentor.

how about:

She loved Diet Coke with vanilla.

here it is:

I anticipated happiness; I wasn't disappointed.

The journey of a thousand miles...

begins with a single step. - Lao Tzu

For the last couple of years, I've hosted a Blog Challenge on ScrapShare. This year, however, we changed it up and started rotating hosts each week. This was my week. The challenge? A photo scavenger hunt! I wanted people to take photos to illustrate the following 5 things:

1. a sign of spring
2. an image of joy
3. a bad habit
4. a good word
5. a reflection of you

I've loved seeing different interpretations of the 5 prompts!

Yesterday, I was sitting here (as usual) when Elaine IMed me.
"My last student cancelled. I have an hour of free time. Should I quilt, or walk?"
"Let's walk together!" I suggested.
"I'll be right over," she joked. See, Elaine lives in Alabama.

Ten minutes later, we were walking together, however - she on her cell phone in Huntsville, me on mine in Fort Worth. I headed west and decided walk to the edge of my neighborhood and then follow a city maintenance road that goes down the bluff to the Trinity River. The road is closed to the general public, so I've never been down there, and I've always wondered what I'm missing.

First, you should realize that the mere suggestion of walking for no good reason was a victory for me. Second, I want you to understand that I made a conscious decision to walk toward the river. Big whoop, you say? Well, I knew full well that the trip TO the river was downhill all the way. (Our neighborhood sits on the bluffs above it.) I also knew that the entire trip BACK home would be uphill all the way. And still, I set out toward the river. (Can I get a whoop?)

I fully understand that this is not a big deal to 90% of the world. I even know people who purposefully park at the furthest spot in the parking lot so they can get some exercise in on their way into the store. I, however, have never been one of those people.

Elaine and I walked and talked for almost an hour. I spent some time just hanging out at the river before heading back up - soaking up the sun, feeling the spring breeze, watching the Forest Park kiddie train, listening to the birds. By the time I got back home, I'd walked 1.68 miles, the last of it uphill. My heart was pounding, my leg muscles were sizzling, my lungs were heaving. But I felt WONDERFUL. Sweat was dripping from my chin. Again, not a big deal for YOU, but a huge deal to me. I have never walked for the sake of walking. When I walk, it's because I have to in order to get from point A to point B.

Elaine and I both took our cameras, and then later in the day, I took the boys exploring along a creek that feeds into the Trinity.

a sign of spring:

Our azalea bushes bloomed this week. The ones on the left are still in the budding stage, 'cause they don't get as much direct sun as the ones on the right. Our crepe myrtles are beginning to bud out, and soon, we'll have flowers on the trees. The grass is still brown, but in a few weeks, it'll be lush and green.

an image of joy:

I've ruined my boys; I've taken so many photos of them in their young lives that they've grown to hate the camera. They groan and whine and generally refuse to participate when I want do to a photo shoot. (Doesn't stop me from snapping away while they're oblivious, though, but that's not the point, now, is it?) Yesterday, all the planets aligned and they actually agreed to this pose! It could've been that they felt brave and adventurous perched on the precipice of death, what with that trickling creek roaring past WAY DOWN THERE 8 feet below. ;) Usually, Mom is harping: "Watch your step. Be careful. Pay attention to where you're going. Don't FALL!!!" This time, Mom was saying, "Scoot closer to the edge. No, it's okay. A little closer. You won't fall. Do you think I'd tell you to do something that would make you die? Come on. CLOSER!" Pure astonishment. Followed by joy.

a bad habit:

I've gotten better, really I have. Used to be, I'd have to stop at Sonic DAILY for my habitual dose of Diet Coke with vanilla. These days, I can go a full week without stopping. But yesterday morning, something just wasn't right. I couldn't concentrate on anything, 'cause all I could think about was 44 ounces of delectable goodness. At 10:00, I finally succumbed. I drove to Sonic, ordered my drink, and chased impending doom away with a single slurp. Ah. Bad habits are so good.

a good word:

The boys have rarely had an actual babysitter. Usually, Darren and I plan our dates around other peoples' schedules, meaning either Dani babysits, or we go out when the boys are hanging out with Grammy. One night last October, though, we found ourselves in need of hired help, so we called on my trusted, capable, fun friend Nikki. The boys think Nikki is REALLY COOL, 'cause she is. They were thrilled to have her over, and I was thrilled to return home that night to discover this on my chalkboard. This little note takes up a full 1/3 of "Grand Central", the chalkboard where we all track the week's events. Dani's work schedule, doctor's appts, the boys' Webkinz passwords, etc... everything we need to know is written on that board. But I gave strict instructions to my family: DO NOT ERASE THIS MESSAGE. EVER. IF YOU DO, I WILL THROW YOU IN THE DUNGEON. Almost 6 months later, it's still here. And it still makes me happy to see it, every. single. day.

a reflection of me:

Elaine and I snapped self-portraits on our walk. I had my 50mm lens on, so it was impossible to get a good shot. This is as far as my stumpy arm would stretch. :)

See the sparkle in my eye? You might think it's a relection of the sun. Maybe. I like to think of it as hope. I'm reclaiming my life. One step at a time. Doctor appointment in 50 minutes. Gotta run. (I'll probably park far out in the lot, just 'cause. Don't faint.)

the wai-ai-ting is the hardest part....

Sometimes you don't realize how badly you want something until you have to wait for it.
In fact, that's usually my criteria for knowing if I really want something. I'm an impulse shopper. If I see it and want it, I almost can't stand not having it. But nine times out of ten, I don't indulge myself, and I find that within hours, and sometimes before I even reach the parking lot, that "gotta have it" feeling has passed. If after days and weeks of waiting, I STILL think I gotta have it, that's a pretty good indication that I really do want it. Make sense?

So, when I first mentioned The Biggest Loser audition, I thought it would be really cool, a great opportunity, and even somewhat fun. I gave it my all - put everything I could into the video audition, filled out my application honestly and candidly, and overnighted the whole thing to Hollywood. Then the waiting began.

It's been 3 weeks. Every day, the waiting gets harder. When will I hear? WILL I hear? I know our audition tape is fantastic, but is it good enough in the first 10 seconds to make them want to see the whole thing? I've found myself putting the immediate future on hold, in case I get cast. I don't want to make plans, you know, in case I'm "at the Ranch".

Recently, I've come to a realization:
It's not the SHOW I want so badly - it's the life change.
I've decided that with or without The Biggest Loser, I'm ready to do this.
And instead of waiting to see if the show will be the catalyst that changes my life, I've realized that *I* must do it, regardless of the show.

There's something to be said about deciding it's acceptable to go on national TV, with millions of viewers, and show your ugliest side(s). That I am willing to do so astounds me! In real life, I only wear big baggy t-shirts, and I'm constantly tugging them down. I don't show my legs, ever. But there's been a stirring deep within me....

I'm waiting on news from the show. If they want to see me, I'll be there in a HEARTBEAT. But if they don't, I'm not waiting around. This is my time. I've got plans, and I'm seein' 'em through. I don't know exactly what has changed inside of me, but something has. I'm ready to do this thing.

• Friday: appointment with Dr. J to discuss him overseeing my weight loss (I've already gotten pre-approval from my insurance company)
• Monday: first Yoga class with Megan; meeting with nutritionist

----->cool story here. Megan is my neighbor. SWEETEST girl ever! She's going to work with me one on one until I feel secure enough to enter the studio in a group setting. (TELL me THIS. Why am I okay with doing it on TV, but NOT in a room of 30 women? WHY?) Megan's good friend Amanda, a "nutritional/fitness life coach", has offered to work with me at no charge! The cool thing? It turns out, Amanda is also Darren's massage therapist. He only goes once every 2-3 months. Small world!

Next week's schedule:

• M-Th - Nia (yoga) with Megan, transitioning to T/Th in a class if I like it
• M-W-F - walk 1/2 mile to boys' school and 1/2 mile back
• T-Th - dance/weight workout at Cara's, with Cara and Kristi (FUN!)
• every day - get up and move enough to get my heart rate going, for 3-5 minutes every hour

Two other things I'm considering: this, and this.

And THIS. Crack. Me. UP!! If I could just blow $300 for the fun of it and not have to worry about feeding my family, this chair would be on its way to me TODAY. I'd lop off a boob or two if I tried to work in it (can you imagine? My working tools involve sharp blades!), but I think I'd get a GREAT workout just laughing my abs off! HA! (Then again, I get the same ab workout just watching Ellen!)

The waiting is still the hardest part. I'll continue to wait for word from The Biggest Loser.

But reclaiming my life? I'm not waiting any longer.
:)

Paying it Forward

I've seen this PIF on several blogs over the last couple of months, and finally felt the urge to "sign up" when I saw it on my friend Veronica's blog. I didn't know if she'd allow me to participate, though, because I've been the lucky recipient of several hand-made gifts from her in the past. She's a talented artist in SEVERAL art forms - beading, knitting, quilting, and scrapbooking. I can't wait to see what she makes me!

Now it's my turn to PIF. Here's the deal, cut and pasted from V's blog:

"The idea of the exchange is I will send a handmade gift to the first three people who leave a comment on this blog post requesting to join this PIF (Pay It Forward) exchange. I don’t know what that gift will be yet, and you may not receive it tomorrow or next week, but you will receive it within 365 days, that is my promise! The only thing you have to do in return is pay it forward by making the same promise on your blog - this means you must have a blog - sorry, blogless readers."

So who will be the first three to sign up? (and what will I make them? LOL)

Personal Bests

Aidan ran his 2nd 5k this morning, and Darren his 4th.

On the way to Trinity Park for the Fort Worth Bunny Boogie, I told Aidan that he was allowed to take off and leave Dad behind if he wanted. The course followed the Trinity River along the jogging trail for 1.5 miles before turning and doubling back down the trail. There was no way he'd get lost or confused about where to go. Plus, I knew that Darren's coworker Bryan would be ahead of Aidan, and would be watching for him after he finished. :)

After the starting gun, Ian and I jumped in the car and raced down the course to the 7th Street Bridge so we could see the guys running. I was able to get some awesome photos from up there.

After I snapped the photos, Ian and I raced back down the hill to the car, and sped toward the finish line. We made it with about 45 seconds to spare; Aidan was already hauling toward the finish line! He beat his previous race time by THREE MINUTES! His official time was 31:16. Darren set a personal best as well, but was about 2.5 minutes behind Aidan. (Just found the official results - Darren's time was 33:28. He pushed it at the end, because there was a 71-year old woman on his heels - she crossed the finish line 11 seconds behind him. He said he refused to be beaten by an old lady. lol!)

They started out together and stayed side by side for the first half of the race, while Darren set the pace for Aidan. Aidan was able to maintain the pace and ended up leaving Darren in his dust at the halfway mark; he even had enough fuel leftover to kick in his booster rockets at the end.

He placed 1st in his age category. To be fair, he was the only kid in his age bracket, so he placed last, too. HA! But whatever. He bested his time, and that's reward enough.

Coincidentally, Bryan and his wife Julie ran their personal bests, too.

Next race: the Fort Worth Zoo RunRun, April 19.

If you're a grandparent reading this, maybe you oughta start planning a trip to Cowtown. ;)

LaVerniaPalooza

How to have a perfect spring break:

Hit the road with movies aplenty, 44 ounces of Sonic Diet Coke with Vanilla, and strawberry Twizzlers. Stop in the Austin area to spend the night with Jeanne; manage to meet up with other friends for scrapbook shopping and dinner while you're there.

Arrive at Joanie's the next day in time for lunch. Toss the kids (7 total) outside for hours of springtime fun. Spend your day chatting with girlfriends.

Climb into bed that night and actually enjoy the bits of sand that the kids have sprinkled about. It reminds you that they had a wonderful day. Wake up to the smell of coffee and children giggling, and your 6-year old climbing on your back saying, "You have to wake up, Mom. That lady said." Look at the clock, realize that it's not even 8 a.m., and you have the whole day ahead of you.

Don't make plans. Instead, plan to have no plans, and just fly by the seat of your pants. Maybe you'll unpack your scrapbook stuff, maybe you won't. (I did.) Maybe you'll cook dinner, maybe you'll order pizza. It's all good.

Wake up on the second morning and realize that a miracle has happened: there have been no kid fights, no name calling, no hitting, no tattling. There have been no broken toys, no hurt feelings, no angry words. It's been BLISSFUL. You find yourself wondering if you husband would be willing to telecommute from La Vernia, Texas. Your host promises that there are inner city ministries in San Antonio that you could plug in to.

Find joy in the little things, like the sound of rain on the roof, the blue of the sky the next day, the millipede on the driveway, piling on the bed with your girlfriends to watch American Idol together, the primitive church in town where you'd swear Reverend Alden once preached. You'll have no cell service in rural La Vernia, but you'll find that you're okay with that, which both surprises you and satisfies you.

Finish it off with a drive through the countryside, stopping for photo ops in China Grove ("the people of the town are strange, but they're proud of where they came.... well I'm talkin' 'bout China Grove. Whoa oh oh, OHoh, China Grove...") and the Pancho Villa Lounge.

Laugh a LOT.

Smile a lot.

Talk deep into the night about things that matter.

Realize that this life you live is charmed and beautiful, and what makes it so is the people with whom you spend your days.

Count your blessings.

Return home just in time to see the sun setting over your neighborhood, where the cat is happy to see you and your husband meets you at the backdoor. Life is good.

Life is good.

4 of 5

4/5ths of us are back home in Cowtown tonight. Dani's still in Tennessee. We had wonderful trips; I'll update with photos tomorrow.

For now, I'm gonna follow my friend Melissa's lead and blog something that made me smile each day this week:

Sunday: "Mom!! You did GREAT picking our movies!" - said by Ian, who told me to surprise him with which road trip movies I packed.

Monday: Playing patty cake with Avery.

Tuesday: digging into a brand new jar of creamy peanut butter. There's something about doing that that makes me GIDDY inside. I love it when I'm the lucky one to open a new jar!

Wednesday: the following conversation:
Samuel (8 years old): Mrs. Kocur, I owe you a dollar.
Me: Why do you owe me a dollar?
Samuel: Because you said we could spend a dollar at the store, and I wasn't paying attention. My toy cost two dollars.
Me: Oh, Samuel! You don't owe me a dollar. But thank you for being so honest.
Samuel: Mrs. Kocur? I feel badly about it. I want to give you a dollar.
Joanie (misty eyed): I'm tellin' you. God gave him to me to make ME a better person. He teaches me; it's not the other way around.

Today: forgetting my pillow at Joanie's, and my camera at Ginger's, which meant I had to turn around and go see them both again. They came from opposite directions and met me in a Hobby Lobby parking lot. I didn't do it on purpose, but if I'd thought about it ahead of time, I might have. ;)

away we go

As I type, the kids are all asleep in their beds, Darren's asleep in a tent somewhere on the side of Guadalupe Peak, and I'm waiting for the last load of clothes to dry.

In 6 hours, I'll drop off Dani at the airport where she'll board a plane to visit Brittani, (and of course Bobbie, Brianna and Santos) in Tennessee. She'll be there for 7 full days, and she's so excited she can't stand it! She misses her cousin so much.

After that, the boys and I will come back home and I'll do some last minute stuff around the house before heading south for a few days of relaxation. First, we'll stop in Round Rock to spend time with Jeanne, one of my most trusted friends and confidantes. I always feel so safe and loved when I'm with Jeanne; I can't wait to spend time with her again! As an added bonus, we'll meet up with some other Austin-area friends for dinner, and I'm excited to see them, too!

Monday morning, the boys and I will head further south to La Vernia, home of my funny friend Joanie. A few months ago, I was talking about where I'd like to travel this summer (turns out, with the price of gas, we WON'T be travelling), and she said, "I wanna know when you're gonna come visit ME." I replied, "Spring Break." Nothin' like inviting yourself, huh? :) Not only did I invite myself, but I invited other friends to join us as well! Diane and Sarah can't make it, but Ginger and Sue will be crashing LaVerniaPalooza, as we've lovingly dubbed it. Poor Joanie. I think she didn't expect me to take her seriously. ;) But I love me some Joanie, and I love that I won't have to share her with a whole room of 50 other scrapbookers this time. It'll just be 4 crazy women and about 12 kids. WHEE! We've made no plans, other than sitting on the front porch drinking ice cold cherry coke and watching the kids play, and that sounds delicious to me.

Ashlie Cat will watch over things here at home; Mecca and Ella Blu will visit often to give her some kitty love and some Meow Mix. :)

It's kind of weird that we're spending this spring break all separated from each other - Darren there, Dani over yonder, the boys and I down south. We're each going our own way, but our hearts are still one. Homecoming will be sweet at the end of the week. I'm already looking forward to it.:)

owwwwch

I'm an idiot. That pretty much sums it up.

Yesterday, I was acting like a 12-year old, playing around at the park with the Fortress kids. Nikki and I were sitting on a fence railing. (That alone was risky enough.) Nikki, with her svelte, athletic, 22-year old body, eased herself over the top rail so that her head was almost on the ground, her feet dangling up in the air. It looked so FUN!! I decided that I must join her.

So I, with my NOT svelte, athletic body, at the age of almost-39, positioned myself on the railing, first hoisting my dunlap up on TOP of said railing, and proceeded to ....

CRASH, headfirst onto the concrete. I landed in a heap on the grass, laughing my HEAD off, and in dire pain. You should've seen the little kids run to my rescue and try to help me up. (You COULD see it, actually, 'cause it's all on video!)I have a goose egg on top of my head. It hurts. I don't think I've had an owie like THIS since I was.... twelve.

Signs, signs, everywhere a sign

Several weeks ago, someone posed this question on the scrapbooking message board that is my home on the 'net. "What would you do, if you KNEW you would not fail?"

People answered "I'd open the quilt shop I've always dreamed of", and "I'd buy a lottery ticket".
I answered with the first thing that popped into my head: "I'd try out for The Biggest Loser."

I've only seen snippets of the show. I don't think I've ever even seen a full episode. Never ever even once have I thought I should be on the show, so for that answer to come flying out the end of my fingertips as I typed was.... odd.

The next morning, I was driving home after dropping the kids at school when I heard on the radio, "Open casting call in Dallas this weekend for The Biggest Loser." I gotta tell ya, after posting that JUST THE DAY BEFORE, I got chills up my spine thinking about. At home, I immediately logged onto ScrapShare and the very first thread I saw was titled: Biggest Loser Casting Call!! I thought to myself, "That's two signs in a row." My friend Amy had posted the details about the Dallas audition, saying, "SOMEONE said she'd like to do this. Here's your big chance, my friend!"

I replied, "It would be a logistical nightmare, figuring out how my family would run without me. I think I could make the cut for the show. I mean, I am a PRIME candidate for weight loss. I'm the right age. I have personality. I don't know if I could cut it though. That's the failure part I was talking about. GAH. This is gonna be all I think about for the rest of the day!"

Friends from across the nation (and even from other countries!) piled on the posts, encouraging me to go for it. I couldn't believe the encouragement!! I needed to talk to someone about it. So I called Darren at work, but got his voicemail. Then I called Kristi.

She said, "Stace, this is so weird. Last night I was lying in bed, and I was thinking about you being on the show! I was thinking you'd be GREAT! But I decided I'd never tell you I was thinking about it, because I'd never want you to fear that your weight bothers me. You know it doesn't. But.... you'd be perfect for that show! Do it!"

Okay, that's sign #3. Then, Darren called me back, and I told him the whole story."Do it," he said.

"But.... what about the logistics? What about the kids? I mean, I think this thing could last a long time... 3 or 4 months, maybe."

"We'll figure it out," he answered.

"I can't believe you just said that. I KNEW you'd say, 'Stace, come on. There's no way we can make it work'."

"We can make it work. We talked about this in New York."

"What?? We talked about Biggest Loser?"
"No, we talked about you getting healthy. How both of us want it. How you want to be able to do things with me." Darren was sign #4.

Then I had lunch with Dani, and I said, "I'm thinking of trying out for The Biggest Loser this Saturday."
"Wow," she replied.
"What would you think?" I asked.
"I think that would be AWESOME," she answered.
"But would you be embarrassed to have your Mom on that show?"
She snarled her lip at me and said, all huffy, "No." Then she asked, "Would YOU be embarrassed to stand on the scale with your fat hanging out on national TV?"

"You bet yer batootie I would!" I laughed.
Then I got serious and said, "It would be hard on everyone."
"It would be worth it. You'd be able to take better care of us when you got back."
"A lot of extra responsibility would fall on you," I warned.
"I know. I already thought about that. It would suck. But it would be okay. It'd be worth it."
Sign #5.

I had several instant offers from ScrapShare friends who were willing to be my partner. (Season 6 will be another "couples" season on the show.) I took that as Sign #6. But Dani had a bright idea: my neighbor. Marjorie and I went so far as taking photos together and filling out our applications. We talked about the ins and outs, the dangers and distractions, the reality of reality TV. And then mere hours before we were to attend the Open Casting Call, she had to back out.

I was strangely okay with that. I briefly considered going alone to the audition, but since I didn't have a partner to list on the application, I didn't go. Even so, I was okay with that. I posted on ScrapShare,

Marjorie backed out tonight. I'm very sad, but not beaten. There are
friends in the wings who have expressed genuine interest in doing it with
me. One is local, two are not. I have photos with the two friends who
aren't local, so that's not a problem. We have a couple of weeks to do
videos and send it in. I'm not giving up yet. But tomorrow, I'll be
sleeping in instead of standing for hours in the freezing drizzle. I
can't say I'm too bummed about THAT. lol!! Darren and I talked about me
going down there by myself, but I really think it would be a waste of
time. I mean, I don't even HAVE a partner at this moment,
and that's a requirement on the application. LOL!! Ah, well. If this thing is
meant to be, it's STILL meant to be, with or without Marjorie.

I spoke with several people about being my new partner. Cara had to decide not to, because she still has a preschooler. Several of my ScrapShare friends talked about it, too, but in the end, sign # 784 happened: Desiree.

Desi is one of my favorite friends ever. We met online years ago, and somewhere along the way, we both went on a health kick and started losing weight. When she got too small for her clothes, she sent them to me. We both left our warm home states of Texas and California and met up at a scrapbooking retreat in Wisconsin. In the winter. That's when we met in person for the first time, but we were old friends instantly. This winter, neither of us were able to return to Wisconsin for the annual retreat, but Desi was able to swing a visit to see me here in Texas! It was already booked and scheduled when we started talking about Biggest Loser, and the timing was perfect. It'd give us a chance to take fresh photos, shoot some video, and do it TOGETHER. Her husband and daughters are as supportive as my family has been. Signs, signs, everywhere a sign.

So, I'm doing this thing.
The mere fact that I'm willing to RISK (lol!) being cast on the show says a lot to me.
It says that I'm really ready to do this thing, for real this time.
Years ago, I said of Oprah, "Yah, *I* could lose all that weight too, if I had a personal trainer and a chef at my disposal, making sure I eat right." This is my chance to put my money where my mouth is, so to speak.

I like to say how lazy I am. That's only partially true. When I decide I want to do something, i do it all the way. When I wanted to see as much of NYC as I could, I did, even though it meant doing it with a sprained ankle. When I wanted to see Paris, I did it with everything I had, even though I was miserable with strep throat and a double ear infection. When I wanted to see Bash Bish Falls, I made the hike, even though I was 7 months pregnant and in great pain. I am capable of doing what it takes. I'm strong - both emotionally and mentally. I have immense faith in God, and He tells me that I can do all things through Him. I believe that He would include losing this weight in that promise.

I need to lose it. I have 150 pounds to lose, and even then, I'd be considered over my "ideal weight". I owe it to Darren, who didn't marry a fat girl, and who dreams of me being able to climb mountains with him. I owe it to Dani, who leaves for college in 18 months and who needs a healthy Mom she can depend on. I owe it to Aidan, who would love for me to run with him. I owe it to Ian, who loves me with everything in him, even though I'm a girl. I owe it to my friends, to my parents, to my sister. I owe it to the kids at Fortress who make me laugh and make me cry and make me remember why God put me in this place. And I owe it to God. He has plans for me. He promised. Plans to give me a hope and a future. It's time I took that seriously. I want that future. I owe it to ME.