Thursday, March 01, 2007

Promise and Faith

A couple of weeks ago, Dani asked me out of the blue,
"What's a promise ring?"

It seems that her boyfriend was planning to give her one.

I wasn't altogether happy about it. She's only 15. He's 17.

As we argued about what a promise ring means (I said it's an engaged-to-be-engaged ring; she said it's an "I promise to be faithful and supportive and to love you while we're dating"), I decided to seek counsel from my online circle of friends. I posed the question to them. "What does a promise ring mean to you?"

Their answers were varied. Most validated my thoughts by stating that a promise ring signifies a promised engagement. Others said it's a token of young love and doesn't really mean anything. A few said that a promise ring is a symbol that says, "We're having sex", or a permission slip to have it. Dani and I talked in depth about it all on one of our weekly Starbucks dates. I voiced my concerns and tried to guide her to a decision, but ultimately, I decided to trust her and not make a battle out of it.

This past Sunday, Brian announced that he wouldn't be giving her a promise ring after all.

"Why?" I asked. "Are y'all breaking up?"

"Oh, NO," assured Brian. "It's just that... my Mom wasn't happy about it. She thinks we're too young."

See, we Moms - we think alike.

Tonight was Dani and Brian's 6th month anniversary. Dani planned it and paid for it as her gift to him. (They went to a museum for a lecture by a famous photographer, then out to eat at P.F. Chang's.) (Up to this point, their dates have been dinner at one another's houses, school events and for the past 6 weeks or so, he's attended church with us.)

Brian's gift to Dani?

You know, I'm not thrilled that my nearing-16-year-old daughter is so serious about one boy already. But if has to be one boy, then I'm glad it's Brian. He's a good kid. I like him, and I trust him. Not many Moms can say that and mean it. :)


Anonymous said...

Dani is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this special moment. I will file it for a few years down the road with my own DD.
Kelli in NC

Veronica in Aus said...

What an awesome gift. Dani is very lucky to have found such a nice guy.

Karen K said...

that is the sweetest thing ever, i can't believe it little DANI is a woman! in a matter of speaking, she is so pretty. so grown, wow you could actually become a grandma in about 3 yrs if your lucky to wait that long, but i know that you instilled values in her, and she will flourish!

Patti in LC said...

What a lovely couple! And the necklace is very beautiful.

Sounds like Brian comes from a loving family also and he listens to their input.

Amy said...

Isn't it hard being a mom of a teen? I bet it's even harder to have a girl, as we were once girls and remember those feeling and emotions. I'm so glad that our kids will talk to us about anything and are such wonderful kids. We're both truly blessed.

Ramblings of a crazed SAHM said...

Does Brian have a little brother around 5 years old? Who would be planning on moving to LA? Great kid. And AWESOME that ou and Dani have such an amazingly open relationship. It's definately the model I hope to achieve with Emma. Lucky gal, and a very lucky guy!

Nancy D. said...

Yea.... We would like more variety in the boy area. But if it's just gonna be one, then we're ok that it's David.

Of course they aren't DATING. They've been not dating for about a year now....j