Sunday, June 05, 2011

day 02 - your least favorite song

It's June, so don't ask me why when I saw today's challenge, the first song that popped into my head was a Christmas song. And yet as soon as my eyes passed over the words "least favorite", I started humming Wham's "Last Christmas" in my head. That song annoys the dog outta me. (Never was much of a Wham fan to begin with.)

But then almost immediately another Christmas song came to mind and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had to get some stuff off my chest.


There's a part of me that's afraid to write about this, because the song in question is a beloved one around here. I say that because every year as soon as the last of the good Halloween candy is gone, I start hearing it on the radio. People call in and ask for it. They love it. Sometimes they cry about it. When I hear it, my upper lip curls up like Elvis's, and I throw up in my mouth a little. It's the most contrived, emotionally manipulative, ridiculous excuse for a song I've ever heard. I especially hate it when the children's chorus comes in at the end. Gross.

Let me just tell you this: when my times comes, none of my kids better be out buying me some shoes "so their momma will look beautiful if she meets Jesus tonight." If Darren says "there's not much time", and my kid takes that as a cue to run out and find a way to buy me some pretty shoes, I'm pretty sure I've failed as a mother and I'll be begging God for a second chance.

Children-of-mine, hear this: if I'm on my deathbed, I want you at my side so I can tell you how much I prayed for you and how much God blessed me with you and how wonderful and perfectly made and awesome you are. I'll tell you that you make me incredibly proud, and I'll remind you that you are children of God, no matter what or where or how. I'll tell you that I am going to be fine, that I'll finally be able to wail like Aretha Franklin, and that for the first time EVER I'll have long fingernails and flowy, gorgeous hair. And... I'll be skinny. I'll go on about how this body I'm in is just an earth suit, and how I can't wait to shuck it and be on my merry way. I'll remind you that you have AMAZING LIVES TO LEAD, and destinies to fulfill, and people to touch, and memories to make, and dreams to catch. I'll tell you all how beautiful you are, and how it has nothing at all to do with your height, or your weight, or FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THE SHOES YOU'RE WEARING.

If you're out at some random shoe store telling strangers about me on my death bed and how I've always given you everything you've ever needed but all I've ever wanted is this pretty pair of shoes and you're almost out of time because I'm DYING and you have to find a way to get me these shoes in case tonight's the big night, YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE. Don't you dare rob me of any precious moments with you, especially for something as trivial as shoes.

I'm not even gonna touch the "lesson" the man singing the song supposedly learned. What a stupid song.

Go on now and hate me. It's okay, I can take it.


Elaine said...

Yes. Thankfully I'm not burdened with this song too much since I do not ever listen to channels that would play it, but I *do* live in Alabama so I've been tortured with it before.

On behalf of the sane people of my state (all SEVEN of us), I apologize.

Stacy said...


Disgusting is the perfect word to describe that song. Turns my stomach every time I hear it beginning. Bluck!

Jackietex said...

I concur. Worst song ever!

Ginger Lambert said...

ITA. Even though I turn the station as fast as I can, I get annoyed that this song even gets air time.

I always picture it taking place in the Walmart checkout and wonder why none of the adults are alarmed that this little kid has been walking on busy streets after dark on Christmas eve.

Kim W. said...

Only if the song was about my kid out trying to buy me a Cherry Limeade, would I feel any different :)

Erica said...

Good lord, I can't stand this Christmas song... of course I also get annoyed that radio stations start playing Christmas music and the same songs over and over again the day after Thanksgiving.
Santa Baby.... ugh another one!

Kris Van Allen said...

THANK YOU!! i hate that song! what a horrible depressing sentiment for a song, period, but come on...the holidays??