Wednesday, April 01, 2009


It's the immature 10-year old boy in me, I guess - the same one who thinks farts are funny and who can't drive safely down Hwys 183 or 121 because the planes flying overhead are too mesmerizing - but I love a good April Fool.

This morning, I called Mecca. When her voice mail picked up, I made a snap decision to tell her we were moving to Ireland where Darren had landed his dream job. Apparently, my prank was believable, because Mecca sat down at her kitchen table with her hand on her forehead and cried while I described how we'd put our house on the market, that Darren would leave in the next few weeks and how the boys and I would wait to join him later after Dani was settled in at college. When I got to "April Fool's!", she cried even harder - from relief, she claims. I had no intention of making her cry, but HOW SWEET IS THAT? I feel really truly loved. (And I'm sorry for the cry, Mec. Sorta. ha!)

Then this afternoon, having not learned my lesson from Mecca, I grew evil horns and sent the following to my dearly beloved boss, Michael, and copied my coworker and good pal Terri:

I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell you this all week.
I guess I’ll just jump right in and say what needs to be said.

I’m giving my resignation. When I accepted this job, I just had no idea that I’d have to endure so much hardship. I’ve had rats watch me work from behind, mice climb up my leg and run across my feet, days when the building smells like sour mop, or
worse, like rancid green beans….

When I leave in the afternoons, I always make a list of items I intend to tackle first thing the next morning. Most days, like today, I still haven’t worked through the list when it’s time to leave again. People are always wanting something from me: either QuaQua needs another hug or some volunteer wants a tour of the building or a random group wants to know what they can do for 2 hours next Thursday. The phone rings all the ding dang time with parents whom I can’t understand wanting to know if their kid is here or not. Sometimes Nookie shows up for an unscheduled 2-hour counseling session. At least at home, I have caller ID and a peekie-hole and can
avoid these things if I’m not in the mood. Here, I’m a sitting duck.

Then there’s the issue of the internet going bonkers at least once a day and not allowing me to send/receive email or open attachments or crashing altogether. It makes me crazy, and when you add all these things up, I just don’t make enough to justify it all.

I love Fortress, but the time has come for me to take a step back and say April Fools. Unless you fire my sorry butt for this lame joke, I’ll be back again tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel. The truth is, you couldn’t fire me if you wanted to. I love it here and I love every aspect of my job. (Except the phone. I truly do detest answering the phone.) But I love the rest of it. Even Ms. D, and even Ratatouille. Thanks again for blessing me with the opportunity to be here!

Terri's reply: "i almost threw up before I got to the bottom. good one"

Michael's reply, in part:

Not funny! :)

Before I got to the end my mind was going a thousand different directions, even in just the 20 seconds it took me, wondering how we could replace you because no one would have your passion, skill set and ability to juggle all the crap.

I’m glad it was an April fools; still not funny, my heart is still beating way too fast.

I hope at least one of them is laughing tomorrow.
Maybe by next April 1, I'll be a grown-up. :D


Crazyredhead said...

LOL -great pranks but me thinks that you are in BIG trouble now if they are plotting revenge.

Kris with a K said...

Nice one! I hope you don't grow up at all, love you "just the wayyyy you aaaarrrreeee" (did that sound like Billy Joel? I hope so).

All I came up with was one lame prank: I took the brand new, unopened, rarely bought Capn Crunch Peanut Butter cereal and dumped it all into a bowl, leaving a handful in the bottom. Hid the bowl. When Eric came out in the morning for breakfast (really looking forward to a little Capn!), he completely freaked out. "No way! There is no way you all ate a whole box of cereal this morning! This is so unfair!" I didn't let it go long, but still had a giggle on him.

agent713 said...

STACY! You're supposed to use your god given talent of writing for good not for evil LOL

Just be prepared if they don't wait until next April to get back at you!