the lady's stacked, and that's a fact

It's pretty well known that when certain friends of mine call my cell phone, the Commodores' alert me by singing a portion of "Brick House".

... "she's a Brick. Howwwse. She's mighty mighty, just lettin' it ALL hang out. She's a Brick. Howwwse. The lady's stacked, and that's a fact, ain't holdin' nothin' back...". Sometimes, when it rings, I miss the call entirely 'cause I'm too busy doin' the upper-body arms-in-the-air chair dance.

Today, I took my Fortress friend Royleesha up to her high school to get some paperwork done so that she could get enrolled in another school. While she shuffled between the Attendance Clerk's office and the Counselor's office, I decided to hang out in the hall and take some photos. The school (Arlington Heights, for you locals) is such an amazingly cool building. I was shooting the lockers when the bell rang, and the hall immediately filled with students. I'm a pretty confident girl. I don't often feel out of my element. But during that class change, I gotta tell ya: I felt conspicuous - me, a big, middle-aged Momma, wearing old lady jeans, a t-shirt with "creative genius" emblazoned in rhinestones across it, and a big ol' camera around my neck.

Finally, after five minutes, the halls cleared and the tardy bell rang. And then they came.

Two big dudes, shuffling down the hall with that familiar swagger that kids their age seem born with, shades on top of their heads even though they haven't seen the sun in hours, bling around their necks, wifebeater shirts peaking out from the required button-downs that they'd rebelliously unbuttoned down to their navels, pants barely hanging on to their 17-year old arses, and huge tennis shoes, untied. I watched them as they approached, and felt myself lean back tighter into the lockers I was leaning against.

Suddenly, the one nearest me pulled his shades down to his eyes, then to the tip of his nose, then back to his eyes, then to the tip of his nose again, and demanded,

"You fittin' a come to this school?"

I cracked right up. Heck NO, I ain't fittin' to come to this school, I was about to say. I'm 38 years old!

But before I could get a word out, as I laughed and shook my head no, he said, "That's too bad. You stacked."

I was still laughing, but it tapered off to a snicker and then a "Heh????" as they swaggered on down the hallway, the one nearest me nearly tripping on his shoelaces as he bent at the waist and did some sort of "rolling" thing with his arms.

And then, I looked around for the hidden cameras.

Have.
Mercy.